The Power of Resilience Finding Strength in Loss
“The love we carry for that person is the strength that helps us to embrace the pain of their absence.”
Embracing Loss
Embracing loss isn’t encouraged in many societies. Nevertheless, “The Power of Resilience: Finding Strength in Loss” makes a strong case for doing just that. To embrace means to accept, and in the context of accepting loss, it doesn’t mean accepting losing the loved one or the thing that has gone; it means accepting all of the heart-wrenching feelings and the pain physically, mentally, and emotionally and understanding how to deal with each one that may come in different triggering situations. From a practicing psychologist, it can be said that completely ignoring the pain or trying to mask it with something else would only entrench the pain and suffering much deeper. On the other premise, acknowledging the pain and being with it can help a person to heal more quickly. It is such a common problem that many of us do not know how to deal with the pain of the loss and simply put it away, thinking that ‘out of sight, out of mind’. However, losses do not evaporate; they will only accumulate over time if it is not properly dealt with. Every time that we suppress the pain will come back eventually and when it comes back, it is going to be much more overwhelming. The magnitude of the pain is multiplied or your ability to feel your emotion becomes numb. When the losses are all accumulated and people start to think about facing the losses, their ability to deal with pain is being deteriorated. The resilience towards pain decreases day by day. Instead of acknowledging the pain, they will avoid the reason that may cause the pain. It is important to distinguish between those people who let the pain of the losses consume them so much that they can’t truly live their lives and those who move on but never completely deal with the fact that their loved ones or the thing they loved is no longer with them. Acknowledging the pain may hopefully help the sufferer find a way to live with and find resolutions to the loss. Besides, to feel the pain is to prove to oneself that one loved truly that person and when someone can acknowledge the pain, it is a way to honor that person.
Acknowledging the Pain
We need to acknowledge the pain that comes with loss. From the loss of a loved one to the loss of a job, the pain that ensues is a natural and necessary part of the process of grieving. There are many different ways to acknowledge the pain that comes with loss. Initially, it is necessary to realize that sadness is a valid emotion and it is ok to feel that sadness. Then, when it feels right, try to talk about the pain and the sorrow felt. Talking with a close friend, family member, or even a professional such as a counselor, will help to heal, and working through the grieving process will become less of a burden. Also, finding healthy ways to express the emotional pain that is being felt is extremely important. Instead of trying to conceal or hide the sadness, what is suggested is to let it out by doing some kind of physical activity or letting the tears flow. The act of writing about these feelings will help to give a further understanding of where the emotions are coming from and what caused them. Also, it serves as a good way to keep track of the emotional progress that comes with time and to look back and see how much better things have gotten. What is highlighted through these written exercises is your ability to answer “How are you feeling now..” or make a list of all the negative thoughts that are coming into your mind such as misunderstanding others and their intentions, it will give a clue as to from which wrong ideas you need to neutralize. It ultimately leads to a sense of comfort and a clearer mind to continue the journey of becoming resilient.
Grieving and Letting Go
In the initial stages of grief, it is common for individuals to experience denial. Some may find it difficult to believe that the loss has occurred, or they may feel that the situation is unfair. This phase is often quickly replaced by feelings of anger, which may be directed towards anyone or anything – including ourselves. In life, it is common to feel that we have been treated unfairly when faced with misfortune. We are told that we should forgive and forget, but it is okay for us to allow our emotions to direct our grieving journey. By forgiving ourselves and allowing the process to unfold naturally, we can begin to allow ourselves to heal. Healing does not come from emotions themselves, but it comes from the ability to cope with them healthfully. Findingan uplifting environment can soothe our inner peace in the world around us; however, only by feeling our sadness can we truly understand why life is worth living. The acceptance phase of grief is sometimes confused with the idea that we ‘give up’ on our loss. However, it is important to understand that acceptance is more about acknowledging and allowing ourselves to move forward from loss, rather than any suggestion that we should or will forget what has happened. By reaching an acceptance phase, we are not only accepting what has happened, but we are also accepting that our loss will always be a part of our lives. We are actively making the decision that we do not want our grief to be the sole focus of our future. Rather, a path that shapes our life toward our purpose.
Accepting the Reality
“Accepting the reality is accepting to give a new meaning to your life.”
Resisting to accept the reality and the despair that follows such refusal will lead to personal entrapment and the inability to move forward. In turn, the complex feelings of pain will increase further and will give rise to a never-ending cycle of grief.To begin with, the bereaved should be aware of the sequence of their emotions and the different changes in their frames of mind while gradually accepting the reality. By understanding the fact that it is natural to go back and forth from the stages of grief from time to time and that such feelings exist to help one to gradually accept and heal the strains of life, the bereaved will be able to apply this knowledge to everyday situations when they shift from one stage of grief to another. Doing so will provide the individual with the mental obligation to come to terms with the knowledge that certain solutions are not possible in the wake of the loss. In addition, accepting the reality day by day and progressively allowing time to heal may provide such emotional strengths needed to redefine the purpose of existence and givethe bereaved a chance to align their actions with their true values and passions, referred to as the process of regaining a sense of inner peace.